I am using this red color today cause I am stark raving mad...I hate this "you should know better" fucking shit that people & workers kept giving me over the years & to top it all off, it all started with my shitty abusive mother of evil, hatred & sin...all started when I was very young, at the age of two...so when people tell me to "grow up", "act your age", "stop wanting friends/companionship", "you're too old to have a family/mom/parent to love you", "you're too immature or emotionally unstable, so nobody wants to be bothered with you"..all those fucking negative, stupid messages I've been given & for far too long that are unfortunately, still embedded in my heartwrenching soul of depth...making me wish that all I knew would be actually useful for a change & not haunt me & make me feel inferior...
I get sick of people telling me their "dos, don'ts, shoulds" their preachy stupid ways that in NO way work for ME...why can't they keep their shitty advice to themselves? Why can't they just say "what do you need from ME right now?", "What can I do for you right now?", when I am upset, angry, frustrated or sad...I just get sick of society's bullshit & their expecting ME to always be "the bigger & better person" gee thanx for nothing you losers from HELL...placing me in further hell...more hell than I can handle thanks!! I get so sick of their condecending, insensitive ways of handling ME when I am upset or when I have legitimate needs, concerns & feelings...I am sick of sayings like "let kids be kids", "they're only kids"...yea only heaps of shit who can't contribute to society & who scream & cry about stupid/trivial things that drive me batshit! Yet when I was a kid, I was tortured for crying, I had REASONS TO CRY & nobody did a goddamn thing about it or helped ME!! That I can't get over..I try to live with it, but it's pretty fucking hard...I get sick of "christmas is for kids", "families/parents are for kids", what about ME? Don't I count? I am tired of being emotionally traumatized by these fucking know it all, have it all fuckheads who think their shit don't stink & who think they are better than I am because I have NOT been fortunate to be born into a well to do, happy, well adjusted family...excuse me for existing...not like I wanted to survive or anything, it's just a curse to be in a world where my feelings, needs & concerns are made fun of & where I am made to feel invisible, alone & fed up...
I am just fucking sick of the kids/brats in society coming FIRST & getting things handed them, when they are not able to appreciate or see it...how fucking dumb!! When I was a kid, I was expected to be a "little adult", a "little lady" being expected to take care of my sick twisted mother/family while my needs/feelings kept going on being neglected & where I now, feel resentful & angry at all these losers/family members who kept making my life a living fucking hell...I say FUCK AGE/ABILITY, could care less about it! It don't change how I feel or make MY life less bearable...in fact, when people tell me about their age/ability, it makes my life more unbearable...like gee, thanx alot fucking assholes!
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