I met this beautiful woman back in October of 2007, the first time I saw her, I fell in love with her immediately & at the same time, really lusted after her...I still lust after her, I still love her & I still can't help but to want her & to adore her...she's truly beautiful...too cute for her own good! LOL!
I saw this beautiful woman & I wanted to take her home with me, to love her, to cradle her, to caress & make mad passionate love to her...mmmm yea!
This beautiful angel has the most georgous round dark chocolate brown eyes & the cutest face I've seen in a long time! She has a youthful, loving attractive appearance, she has gorgeous fine black straight chin length hair & it's so fine to the touch...she has a fun & hearty laugh...though I wish & long to laugh alot like this sweetie one day...I hope that one day, I can be as fun loving & as free as this beautiful dove....she's a real cutie, at least to the human eye...she's cute & warm, cuddly, soft, huggable to look at, just beautiful...
When I am often around this gorgeous cutie, I feel happy most of the time, yet I envy her confidence & her inner freedom...at the same time, I don't like the fact she don't believe in God like I do & that scares & worries me....yet I still pray for her & I hope she will find GOD one day & grow spiritually...instead of making too many jokes about too many things...one of her flaws...we all have flaws...sadly, she hurts me emotionally sometimes by excluding me from conversations & cutting me off when I speak or she'd be in a conversation or a game of cards with me & someone enters a room & she drops everything for them & to attend to them & that hurts me more than words can say...I hope one day, we can be closer & that she will be as fond of me as I am of her...though she to my knowledge, does NOT know I have a crush on her, I won't ever tell her...it's hard when she is a staff person at this organization & I am just a member...it sux that staff/members can't date, it's not allowed in this place & it sucks ass big time...another way the conspiracy continues to deny me & get me...what a fucking drag!!!
I love this angel alot & she does compliment me, I take it in well, I long for more of her warmth, her compliments, her positive warm attention, though I get sad when others take up too much of her time/attention & I am once again, left short changed & feeling sad/hurt, sometimes very angry inside...I cry tears of loneliness when others get too much of her attention, while I don't have enough of her attention at all...I have no words to describe this feeling, all I know, is that it hurts more than being in hell....
This beautiful woman though, inspires me a great deal...she has so much to adore about her, not just her hot body & cute smile/eyes/face/laugh...she's alot of fun to be around usually....
I do love the moments with her though, when we laugh together, share some warm conversations, do art & just chat it up sometimes...I long though, to have more greater, happier chats/times with her & for her to really see/embrace my realness & my soul...I am sick of trying so hard to be liked by her & I often do get awkward around her, not knowing what to talk about, not having enough to say, being triggered by others' excessive laughter/joy, which I find, is rubbed too much in my face...it's how I feel, I am being honest...
I do love the hearty moments I share with this beautiful angelic babe & I love & admire her youthful soul, her sweet spirit & her fun laugh! I love it when we do share laughs & we look into each others' eyes...I am touched, yet longing for more moments of this with her, longer moments of laughter, sharing/caring, fun & great conversations...bonding with her....I long for it so much & I pray that over time, I will get more of it from/with her...at least lately, the past two weeks, I have been bonding with sweetie more & am proud of my accomplishments...
Yesterday we had a hearty chat, since I was emotional, in tears & needing her positive attention...I was glad I got it from her & she was receptive, giving & emotionally supportive & sweet to me...which is what I needed & need more of....I love the fact this woman, this angel, connected with my pain, reached out to me & into my soul...nurturing it with positive, warm sayings like "I've seen you grow alot lately & it's great", "you are finding your own art voice & are making new friends"...last week, she said "you are a nice person, really nice & you deserve nice friends"...I was touched, at the same time, I wanted to hold her in my arms & tell her that I loved her dearly & that I wanted her as my girlfriend...but I couldn't & yes, it hurt...at the same time, I took the loving compliments she did give me & held it close to my heart....today she said I was pretty & that made me feel great...loved...though, yes I am having trust issues, since she does know or favour others in the centre that have she's known longer, which SUCKS!!! I hope one day, I'll be added to her favourite list & that our bond will grow stronger...yes, this past little while, I am noticing her reaching out to me more & I am letting her in...she seems also, to be letting me in too, which is a nice, beautiful start...
I am fortunate though, to know this sweetie & I just adore her...her sharing, caring, fun ways, her cute adorable face/smile, her hot looks, LOL! I love how sometimes, her soul shines & she doesn't care about what others think of her...I will be grateful to get to that place inside of myself one day...to feel/find inner peace/freedom...but for now, I am glad I found this cutie...now I only wish she was my lover & that we'd be happy together, loving each other deeply & treasuring each other, but it doesn't hurt to dream does it?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Portraits
When I see portraits of people painted, I want to fucking rip them off the wall & burn them to pieces, since PEOPLE are the fucking assholes who destroyed most of my life so far & broke my heart...not giving a fuck about me or my feelings/needs...
I find alot of people enjoy & comment too much on stupid portrait paintings vs my realism & abstract art...I work so hard to create awesome, new, exciting, invigorating & unusual art pieces & yet, all I often get is "that's nice" & people walk away, not really commenting at all enough or much on my paintings...I am a new artist, taking big leaps & bounds, taking alot of risks & when I am in the art classes, those fuckheads who do the "exact" portraits of people either in magazines or losers they know, LOL...get all the positive feedback, positive attention & interaction, while once again, I am lonely, suffering deeply in silence, wanting to let go of my never ending anger/rage & to burn their dumbass paintings! I want to take their hands also & break them to pieces, so they can feel useless & helpless like I do emotionally, so they will have some idea of what I feel everyday on a daily basis...
To comfort myself, I imagine torturing these useless, pretentious, boring people...who go around thinking they are better than me & others who are not "portrait" people...excuse me!!
I honestly find that people who do portraits or exact paintings are not going outside or beyond their limitations & are too shallow for me...I rarely met a person like that who was interesting, only selfish, self centred & attention seeking...like "fuck off & get a life loser"...I find them to be so superficial, fake, useless, taking up too much space around me, thinking their work is going to sell or be the best on the market...like fuck it is!
I prefer to be REAL, despite how lonely & horrible it feels for me...I like to be creative with my art, yet I long for & get so little positive interaction, positive attention & friendships...once again, I am reminded of my lonely, boring existence & how unloved I was all my life & how unlovable I still feel to this awful day...when it rains, it pours...I see these losers getting too much positives & I would often, time it with my watch, to see how much they were getting & when I did get any positives at all, I would time my watch & see how little I get & how rushed people were to give me anything positive at all...
Hard work often for me with regards to art & making friends, doesn't seem yet to pay off...I only wish I had a group of loving caring friends where I mattered to them alot, where I bonded & felt like apart of a true caring group & not the outsider, crying alone in silence while many people are not caring about ME....I take the time to give them feedback as genuine as possible, yet I feel cheated...I hate that reoccuring theme of feeling cheated & lonely with other people...I hope one day, if I live long enough, that I can truly experience not feeling alone or lonely with others & feel at peace with myself & with others....it's not asking for much...
I find alot of people enjoy & comment too much on stupid portrait paintings vs my realism & abstract art...I work so hard to create awesome, new, exciting, invigorating & unusual art pieces & yet, all I often get is "that's nice" & people walk away, not really commenting at all enough or much on my paintings...I am a new artist, taking big leaps & bounds, taking alot of risks & when I am in the art classes, those fuckheads who do the "exact" portraits of people either in magazines or losers they know, LOL...get all the positive feedback, positive attention & interaction, while once again, I am lonely, suffering deeply in silence, wanting to let go of my never ending anger/rage & to burn their dumbass paintings! I want to take their hands also & break them to pieces, so they can feel useless & helpless like I do emotionally, so they will have some idea of what I feel everyday on a daily basis...
To comfort myself, I imagine torturing these useless, pretentious, boring people...who go around thinking they are better than me & others who are not "portrait" people...excuse me!!
I honestly find that people who do portraits or exact paintings are not going outside or beyond their limitations & are too shallow for me...I rarely met a person like that who was interesting, only selfish, self centred & attention seeking...like "fuck off & get a life loser"...I find them to be so superficial, fake, useless, taking up too much space around me, thinking their work is going to sell or be the best on the market...like fuck it is!
I prefer to be REAL, despite how lonely & horrible it feels for me...I like to be creative with my art, yet I long for & get so little positive interaction, positive attention & friendships...once again, I am reminded of my lonely, boring existence & how unloved I was all my life & how unlovable I still feel to this awful day...when it rains, it pours...I see these losers getting too much positives & I would often, time it with my watch, to see how much they were getting & when I did get any positives at all, I would time my watch & see how little I get & how rushed people were to give me anything positive at all...
Hard work often for me with regards to art & making friends, doesn't seem yet to pay off...I only wish I had a group of loving caring friends where I mattered to them alot, where I bonded & felt like apart of a true caring group & not the outsider, crying alone in silence while many people are not caring about ME....I take the time to give them feedback as genuine as possible, yet I feel cheated...I hate that reoccuring theme of feeling cheated & lonely with other people...I hope one day, if I live long enough, that I can truly experience not feeling alone or lonely with others & feel at peace with myself & with others....it's not asking for much...
Being real often sucks, thanks to awful pretentious people...
I just can't stand pretentious, boasty, selfish people! I can't say it enough!
I know it's been months now since I wrote in my blog, due to the bullshit I had to put up with, thanks to selfish people, idiots, subhumans & just being busy with work...at least my job is a positive experience from me & it does help me take my mind off the shitfaced losers of society I see in everyday life...
I find honestly, it's the pretentious, "well educated", "well adjusted", "well travelled" people, or should I say, LOSERS, who are so full of themselves, so full of shit, who get all the so called positive interactions, interest, love & attention from people...it's like I am a REAL, AUTHENTIC person & what one sees is what they get, so FUCKING LIVE WITH IT!!
I often pay a high price for being myself, for giving of myself, giving to my friends all with sincerity & compassion & all I get is attitude or being left alone, ignored & put down for being kind, vs not being "well educated", "well adjusted" or "well travelled"...excuse me for being myself & for "living", though it often feels like I am not living at all...I am just existing for the sake of nothing, though it seems...it's like I try hard to fit in, to be positive, to bring aliveness to the room, to the conversations & yet, I am the one feeling & being excluded, treated like shit, "the boring one"...left alone, to suffer in silence crying deeply inside, choking on my tears, while these fucking pretentious losers/idiots laugh out loud, often at my expense & therefore, never take into consideration, MY feelings...my problem is I am too giving of others when I am in their presence, too kind, too forgiving & where does it get me?? NOWHERE....I am feeling like I don't want to be "Now Here"...what's the point??
I see these pretentious, well educated, backstabbing fuckheads getting in my way, getting all the positive attention from others I want to get it from & I am always left getting the shitty end of the stick...I'd love to take that shitty end of the stick, put it far up their ass & then in their mouths & make them suffer for eternity, the way I always suffer...to see how they like that...then they'd know what it feels like to be me...being me is often a lonely experience & no matter what I do, say, express to others, how I feel, what I try to bring to a group, I am grief stricken, lonely, left out, having emotional leprocy to the point where I feel I am being abused & tortured again & again repeatedly...it's like these fucking assholes enjoy making me lonely, suffer & often get the good stuff in life that I am often lacking to the point where I wish I was never born...after all, I never asked to be...I never asked to be brought into an awful, torturous family, where I was never loved or cared for or taken into any consideration...everyday of my life, I am reminded of this & my soul bleeds, as the sharpness of the razor blades of these pretentious fuckheads cut me deeply, not caring about me or my feelings...I often think of suicide, then that way, my pain will be final & my existence will be no more...I will be at peace...at least I hope...I just want to one day & consistently, feel good about being myself & living in my own soul & body & to feel genuine acceptance from myself & others & not be so reminded of the horrors of my childhood, teenage & adult life so far...I long to have a mended heart, a loving group of friends & to really feel like I matter to others, like I belong, instead of people lying to me & pretending to be my friends...I see through their bullshit, so they are not my friends, only acquaintances most of them & alot of them are pretentious bullshitters, who are not worth my time & they never give me their time...I wish it was their turn to suffer, like I suffer, I believe in an eye for an eye...or for someone to give them a black eye! LOL
I know it's been months now since I wrote in my blog, due to the bullshit I had to put up with, thanks to selfish people, idiots, subhumans & just being busy with work...at least my job is a positive experience from me & it does help me take my mind off the shitfaced losers of society I see in everyday life...
I find honestly, it's the pretentious, "well educated", "well adjusted", "well travelled" people, or should I say, LOSERS, who are so full of themselves, so full of shit, who get all the so called positive interactions, interest, love & attention from people...it's like I am a REAL, AUTHENTIC person & what one sees is what they get, so FUCKING LIVE WITH IT!!
I often pay a high price for being myself, for giving of myself, giving to my friends all with sincerity & compassion & all I get is attitude or being left alone, ignored & put down for being kind, vs not being "well educated", "well adjusted" or "well travelled"...excuse me for being myself & for "living", though it often feels like I am not living at all...I am just existing for the sake of nothing, though it seems...it's like I try hard to fit in, to be positive, to bring aliveness to the room, to the conversations & yet, I am the one feeling & being excluded, treated like shit, "the boring one"...left alone, to suffer in silence crying deeply inside, choking on my tears, while these fucking pretentious losers/idiots laugh out loud, often at my expense & therefore, never take into consideration, MY feelings...my problem is I am too giving of others when I am in their presence, too kind, too forgiving & where does it get me?? NOWHERE....I am feeling like I don't want to be "Now Here"...what's the point??
I see these pretentious, well educated, backstabbing fuckheads getting in my way, getting all the positive attention from others I want to get it from & I am always left getting the shitty end of the stick...I'd love to take that shitty end of the stick, put it far up their ass & then in their mouths & make them suffer for eternity, the way I always suffer...to see how they like that...then they'd know what it feels like to be me...being me is often a lonely experience & no matter what I do, say, express to others, how I feel, what I try to bring to a group, I am grief stricken, lonely, left out, having emotional leprocy to the point where I feel I am being abused & tortured again & again repeatedly...it's like these fucking assholes enjoy making me lonely, suffer & often get the good stuff in life that I am often lacking to the point where I wish I was never born...after all, I never asked to be...I never asked to be brought into an awful, torturous family, where I was never loved or cared for or taken into any consideration...everyday of my life, I am reminded of this & my soul bleeds, as the sharpness of the razor blades of these pretentious fuckheads cut me deeply, not caring about me or my feelings...I often think of suicide, then that way, my pain will be final & my existence will be no more...I will be at peace...at least I hope...I just want to one day & consistently, feel good about being myself & living in my own soul & body & to feel genuine acceptance from myself & others & not be so reminded of the horrors of my childhood, teenage & adult life so far...I long to have a mended heart, a loving group of friends & to really feel like I matter to others, like I belong, instead of people lying to me & pretending to be my friends...I see through their bullshit, so they are not my friends, only acquaintances most of them & alot of them are pretentious bullshitters, who are not worth my time & they never give me their time...I wish it was their turn to suffer, like I suffer, I believe in an eye for an eye...or for someone to give them a black eye! LOL
Monday, July 2, 2007
Embracing Secrets
I have found that keeping alot of secrets to myself was just a bad, awful thing...it ate me up inside, it denied me to be my true self...secrets have a strong way of hurting one's self & others...I have always wanted to create a safe haven for my closest friends & other soul systers like us to share our inner most secrets & for all of us to feel safe..safer than we have felt in our lives! I am a strong believer in creating things, making things happen, since deep down, I thrive on creating, being creative & I appreciate creative, moving people, readings, drawings, films, books, music, etc...
I find that society often does expect people to conform to their crappy traditional ways...I am NOT A CONFORMIST & I NEVER WILL BE for as long as I live! I am a believer in the spiritual soul connection & in getting rid of "mental/emotional toxic waste"...I have also found that alot of my awful experiences helped me to better open up to finding MY OWN WAYS to express MY inner most darkest secrets, no matter how scary they are to me...I say "fuck society & those politically correct losers/whiners, who try to stifel me & silence me for having my blunt opinions!" Thanks to those fuckheads & others like them, I am more blunt than ever & want to spill my guts onto them & at the same time, I want to educate people & open their eyes....but honestly though, I wish I was getting paid top dollar to "open their eyes & their hearts possibly"...it's not easy to "do it for free"...plus I am entitled of something positive for my good efforts to help people see their hidden truths, no matter how ugly the truth is to them...
I often ask myself "why the fuck was I put on this lonely, lousy earth if all I do is endlessly suffer, emotionally go without the positives I need to get thru a day?"...it fucking hurts...so bad that I can't describe it....all I know is that one of my biggest secrets is that I wish I had an extreme high pain tolerance on those awful days so I can help take my emotional pain away...even if it means ending up killling myself...oh well, I can accept that...
But my dream is to one day, create a society of love, warmth, acceptance & a place where we can get together & share our inner most secrets, pains, sick fantasies, joys, etc...& become a society of ONE...it hurts to see society & the world so divided by hatred, misunderstandings, racism, intolerance, ignorance & deep emotional scarring that lives in the hearts & minds of many people...I'd love to change all of that & be one day known for that & for helping people free their souls, so one day they will have peace of mind & happiness in their lives!
I find that society often does expect people to conform to their crappy traditional ways...I am NOT A CONFORMIST & I NEVER WILL BE for as long as I live! I am a believer in the spiritual soul connection & in getting rid of "mental/emotional toxic waste"...I have also found that alot of my awful experiences helped me to better open up to finding MY OWN WAYS to express MY inner most darkest secrets, no matter how scary they are to me...I say "fuck society & those politically correct losers/whiners, who try to stifel me & silence me for having my blunt opinions!" Thanks to those fuckheads & others like them, I am more blunt than ever & want to spill my guts onto them & at the same time, I want to educate people & open their eyes....but honestly though, I wish I was getting paid top dollar to "open their eyes & their hearts possibly"...it's not easy to "do it for free"...plus I am entitled of something positive for my good efforts to help people see their hidden truths, no matter how ugly the truth is to them...
I often ask myself "why the fuck was I put on this lonely, lousy earth if all I do is endlessly suffer, emotionally go without the positives I need to get thru a day?"...it fucking hurts...so bad that I can't describe it....all I know is that one of my biggest secrets is that I wish I had an extreme high pain tolerance on those awful days so I can help take my emotional pain away...even if it means ending up killling myself...oh well, I can accept that...
But my dream is to one day, create a society of love, warmth, acceptance & a place where we can get together & share our inner most secrets, pains, sick fantasies, joys, etc...& become a society of ONE...it hurts to see society & the world so divided by hatred, misunderstandings, racism, intolerance, ignorance & deep emotional scarring that lives in the hearts & minds of many people...I'd love to change all of that & be one day known for that & for helping people free their souls, so one day they will have peace of mind & happiness in their lives!
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Alone with Her
I always love being with her, feeling her next to me, her body next to mine...her beautiful skin, the touch of her soft warm hands on me, her gentle spirit, her green eyes of purity & innocence...I found her soothing voice always went through me...hard to describe, but it always went through me in a powerful & passionate way....her grunting sounds, (oh she made & makes many of those!!), her moans, her squirming always got me turned on, still does...her passion showed through her green eyes always & her green eyes say & express so much & I love how our unspoken communication was & is quite intense, powerful...full of passion beyond words...I love holding her close to me, not wanting to let her go for anything! I love her in my arms, snuggled up with me, I love her vulnerability showing when she is with me, our sharing, our love making...I love how she looks when she is wanting to cum, when she wants to cum, when she is cumming in buckets...I love how she squirts when she cums & the fact she can cum for a long time like I can! I love her passion about helping people, her baby soft face, her pretty face, her approachable nature...holding her is a gift from GOD, having her in my arms is a gift I can't stop thinking about & I treasure so much...I just adore her beyond words...I love my times alone with her, kissing her passionately, making mad love to her, pleasing her, our sharing, our passion...us just being together is fun enough for me...I love her so much & our special times together...her hugs warm me especially when I am feeling down, sad, insecure, hurt & I am glad in return, I can give her alot of love, reassurance, a listening ear, hugs...just loving her is an awesome gift!
Her Beautiful Green Eyes & Genuine Soul
I met this beautiful woman when I was seventeen, she was one of the most beautiful cute babes I've ever seen in my life...I absolutely loved her & I still love her to this day...I adore her beautiful green eyes, the passion they express & how passionate she actually was...I think of her alot still today, especially the past three months, since I had an incredible dream about her...
I had alot of mixed memories with this cute babe...I found myself liking & hating her at the same time for the first few months after I met her...then luckily, things got better with us...her behaviour was so bad at one time, I wrote her a nasty confrontation letter, addressed it to her & she got to read it...I was amazed of her response to my letter...she met with me on a Friday afternoon & we spent three hours just sorting things out...I was bawling my eyes out for like nearly 2 hours & she was there to console me, hug me & allow me to get all my feelings out...she was woman enough to handle what I have confronted her about & she was so gentle with me in that interaction...I was moved deeply by her & by the unexpected compassion she showed me that day & onward until I moved away a year & a half later to a new city to start a new life....
I was amazed by the incredible response this cute babe gave me...her deep empathy for me, she was no longer as arrogant as she was with me in the past & was very caring, sweet, huggy & her beautiful soul reflected moreso into her adorable green eyes...I loved her even more when she listened to what I had to say & respected my values, feelings & needs....I have grown to love her so much...more than ever...I loved & have finally seen more of her big golden heart of love, thoughtfulness & purity...but I have always loved her physically: her pretty baby face, her innocent looking eyes, her gorgeous smile, her dark brown semi curly hair...she was just adorable to MY eyes & I love her soft body & her soft warmhearted hugs...she was the most huggable woman I have ever met in my young life & when I think of her today, I want to hug her, I see her green eyes of innocence looking deeply into mine & the intense passion her eyes reflected...I just adore this beautiful babe...there is nobody like her...her hugs were always long, genuinely sweet, safe...her face, soft as a baby's bum, cute as a button & she was & is simply a GEM in my treasure chest...
Even though we had our differences & have different life styles, I still love this beautiful green eyed angel & all the love, attention & inner beauty she has helped me to reclaim & to pass onto others...one thing I really love about her is her ability to take things like a woman, to take responsibility for her actions, to better herself, to admit she was wrong, to make positive changes in her life & to help others help themselves...I love how she apologized to me back then & how truly sincere she truly was to me...that makes me smile & have hope for people, despite how skeptical I am towards many people...
This beautiful lady...the apple of my eye...her beautiful green eyes are always remembered, treasured in my heart & kept safe & warm in my soul...I don't know of anyone else with green eyes like hers or green eyes period!!! She is one in a million & a beautiful dove sent to me from GOD my Father...
When I think about her, I want to hug her, to love her, to make passionate love to her, to give her the best sex she ever had, to make her cum in buckets...since she did tell me alot of intense secrets about her sex life & how she loves sex...so so much!! I love how sexually attractive she is/was & what a turn on she was/is...I just adore her so much & can't help but to want her! I loved her body next to mine, her breasts pressed against mine, her soft body period!! I loved her soft face next to mine also & her soft, gentle soothing voice...she was NOT a loud person, so I loved her for that too, she was dignified, yet told ME alot of her secrets & I love the bond we shared...she was my first true lover & will always be...because she's given me so much love & is a loving beautiful doll with a soul & a heart for people...that I truly admire...but the sexual attraction, I must say was a big bonus!!! :) She was sure fun to hug & never refused to hug me when she was me...aww that I will treasure till the day I die! :) I love the fact she was always a lovable, huggable, approachable soul & mmmm good!
I had alot of mixed memories with this cute babe...I found myself liking & hating her at the same time for the first few months after I met her...then luckily, things got better with us...her behaviour was so bad at one time, I wrote her a nasty confrontation letter, addressed it to her & she got to read it...I was amazed of her response to my letter...she met with me on a Friday afternoon & we spent three hours just sorting things out...I was bawling my eyes out for like nearly 2 hours & she was there to console me, hug me & allow me to get all my feelings out...she was woman enough to handle what I have confronted her about & she was so gentle with me in that interaction...I was moved deeply by her & by the unexpected compassion she showed me that day & onward until I moved away a year & a half later to a new city to start a new life....
I was amazed by the incredible response this cute babe gave me...her deep empathy for me, she was no longer as arrogant as she was with me in the past & was very caring, sweet, huggy & her beautiful soul reflected moreso into her adorable green eyes...I loved her even more when she listened to what I had to say & respected my values, feelings & needs....I have grown to love her so much...more than ever...I loved & have finally seen more of her big golden heart of love, thoughtfulness & purity...but I have always loved her physically: her pretty baby face, her innocent looking eyes, her gorgeous smile, her dark brown semi curly hair...she was just adorable to MY eyes & I love her soft body & her soft warmhearted hugs...she was the most huggable woman I have ever met in my young life & when I think of her today, I want to hug her, I see her green eyes of innocence looking deeply into mine & the intense passion her eyes reflected...I just adore this beautiful babe...there is nobody like her...her hugs were always long, genuinely sweet, safe...her face, soft as a baby's bum, cute as a button & she was & is simply a GEM in my treasure chest...
Even though we had our differences & have different life styles, I still love this beautiful green eyed angel & all the love, attention & inner beauty she has helped me to reclaim & to pass onto others...one thing I really love about her is her ability to take things like a woman, to take responsibility for her actions, to better herself, to admit she was wrong, to make positive changes in her life & to help others help themselves...I love how she apologized to me back then & how truly sincere she truly was to me...that makes me smile & have hope for people, despite how skeptical I am towards many people...
This beautiful lady...the apple of my eye...her beautiful green eyes are always remembered, treasured in my heart & kept safe & warm in my soul...I don't know of anyone else with green eyes like hers or green eyes period!!! She is one in a million & a beautiful dove sent to me from GOD my Father...
When I think about her, I want to hug her, to love her, to make passionate love to her, to give her the best sex she ever had, to make her cum in buckets...since she did tell me alot of intense secrets about her sex life & how she loves sex...so so much!! I love how sexually attractive she is/was & what a turn on she was/is...I just adore her so much & can't help but to want her! I loved her body next to mine, her breasts pressed against mine, her soft body period!! I loved her soft face next to mine also & her soft, gentle soothing voice...she was NOT a loud person, so I loved her for that too, she was dignified, yet told ME alot of her secrets & I love the bond we shared...she was my first true lover & will always be...because she's given me so much love & is a loving beautiful doll with a soul & a heart for people...that I truly admire...but the sexual attraction, I must say was a big bonus!!! :) She was sure fun to hug & never refused to hug me when she was me...aww that I will treasure till the day I die! :) I love the fact she was always a lovable, huggable, approachable soul & mmmm good!
Dark Humour, why I need it in my life
I have always enjoyed & loved dark humour, since I was a little kid...I love so much about it...I love hearing dirty, sick, twisted jokes, especially about people...since alot of them tend to suck most of the time....
I had such a shitty life, so therefore, dark humour is my friend & helps me cope...it is often all I have, besides my music, my alter egos, my writing, my imagination, my tv shows, my coffee...gee, if I had as many good friends as I had dvd collections, I'd be very happy with my life...as well as more money of course & better health....
I have always had this ability to make the friends I do & did have to laugh hard out loud & I love making people & my friends laugh, it makes me feel happy, needed, somewhat cared about, useful, entertaining...I love to be entertained & to entertain...it's all good!
I find that the more jokes I hear, learn & can tell, the better I feel inside, since this world is chaotic enough as it is...full of tragedy, pain, loss, bragging losers, superficial idiots, etc...I am sick to death of these fucks!!!
I love making fun of people so much, since all my life or most of my life rather, I've been hurt deeply & made fun of to the point of nearly insanity...now the flashbacks I have make me feel insane enough to not give a flying fuck about anyone or anything most of the time...so making fun of things, people, events, tragedies gives me great pleasure today!!!
I find the sicker, more twisted the jokes, the better I feel, the more validated I feel, the less alone I feel & the more connected to the twisted sense of reality I feel...I like being able to laugh at people, since I've had it with being made fun of, now it's my chance!
I had such a shitty life, so therefore, dark humour is my friend & helps me cope...it is often all I have, besides my music, my alter egos, my writing, my imagination, my tv shows, my coffee...gee, if I had as many good friends as I had dvd collections, I'd be very happy with my life...as well as more money of course & better health....
I have always had this ability to make the friends I do & did have to laugh hard out loud & I love making people & my friends laugh, it makes me feel happy, needed, somewhat cared about, useful, entertaining...I love to be entertained & to entertain...it's all good!
I find that the more jokes I hear, learn & can tell, the better I feel inside, since this world is chaotic enough as it is...full of tragedy, pain, loss, bragging losers, superficial idiots, etc...I am sick to death of these fucks!!!
I love making fun of people so much, since all my life or most of my life rather, I've been hurt deeply & made fun of to the point of nearly insanity...now the flashbacks I have make me feel insane enough to not give a flying fuck about anyone or anything most of the time...so making fun of things, people, events, tragedies gives me great pleasure today!!!
I find the sicker, more twisted the jokes, the better I feel, the more validated I feel, the less alone I feel & the more connected to the twisted sense of reality I feel...I like being able to laugh at people, since I've had it with being made fun of, now it's my chance!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)