Embracing Secrets

I have found that keeping alot of secrets to myself was just a bad, awful thing...it ate me up inside, it denied me to be my true self...secrets have a strong way of hurting one's self & others...I have always wanted to create a safe haven for my closest friends & other soul systers like us to share our inner most secrets & for all of us to feel safe..safer than we have felt in our lives! I am a strong believer in creating things, making things happen, since deep down, I thrive on creating, being creative & I appreciate creative, moving people, readings, drawings, films, books, music, etc...

I find that society often does expect people to conform to their crappy traditional ways...I am NOT A CONFORMIST & I NEVER WILL BE for as long as I live! I am a believer in the spiritual soul connection & in getting rid of "mental/emotional toxic waste"...I have also found that alot of my awful experiences helped me to better open up to finding MY OWN WAYS to express MY inner most darkest secrets, no matter how scary they are to me...I say "fuck society & those politically correct losers/whiners, who try to stifel me & silence me for having my blunt opinions!" Thanks to those fuckheads & others like them, I am more blunt than ever & want to spill my guts onto them & at the same time, I want to educate people & open their eyes....but honestly though, I wish I was getting paid top dollar to "open their eyes & their hearts possibly"...it's not easy to "do it for free"...plus I am entitled of something positive for my good efforts to help people see their hidden truths, no matter how ugly the truth is to them...

I often ask myself "why the fuck was I put on this lonely, lousy earth if all I do is endlessly suffer, emotionally go without the positives I need to get thru a day?"...it fucking hurts...so bad that I can't describe it....all I know is that one of my biggest secrets is that I wish I had an extreme high pain tolerance on those awful days so I can help take my emotional pain away...even if it means ending up killling myself...oh well, I can accept that...

But my dream is to one day, create a society of love, warmth, acceptance & a place where we can get together & share our inner most secrets, pains, sick fantasies, joys, etc...& become a society of ONE...it hurts to see society & the world so divided by hatred, misunderstandings, racism, intolerance, ignorance & deep emotional scarring that lives in the hearts & minds of many people...I'd love to change all of that & be one day known for that & for helping people free their souls, so one day they will have peace of mind & happiness in their lives!

Alone with Her

I always love being with her, feeling her next to me, her body next to mine...her beautiful skin, the touch of her soft warm hands on me, her gentle spirit, her green eyes of purity & innocence...I found her soothing voice always went through me...hard to describe, but it always went through me in a powerful & passionate way....her grunting sounds, (oh she made & makes many of those!!), her moans, her squirming always got me turned on, still does...her passion showed through her green eyes always & her green eyes say & express so much & I love how our unspoken communication was & is quite intense, powerful...full of passion beyond words...I love holding her close to me, not wanting to let her go for anything! I love her in my arms, snuggled up with me, I love her vulnerability showing when she is with me, our sharing, our love making...I love how she looks when she is wanting to cum, when she wants to cum, when she is cumming in buckets...I love how she squirts when she cums & the fact she can cum for a long time like I can! I love her passion about helping people, her baby soft face, her pretty face, her approachable nature...holding her is a gift from GOD, having her in my arms is a gift I can't stop thinking about & I treasure so much...I just adore her beyond words...I love my times alone with her, kissing her passionately, making mad love to her, pleasing her, our sharing, our passion...us just being together is fun enough for me...I love her so much & our special times together...her hugs warm me especially when I am feeling down, sad, insecure, hurt & I am glad in return, I can give her alot of love, reassurance, a listening ear, hugs...just loving her is an awesome gift!

Her Beautiful Green Eyes & Genuine Soul

I met this beautiful woman when I was seventeen, she was one of the most beautiful cute babes I've ever seen in my life...I absolutely loved her & I still love her to this day...I adore her beautiful green eyes, the passion they express & how passionate she actually was...I think of her alot still today, especially the past three months, since I had an incredible dream about her...

I had alot of mixed memories with this cute babe...I found myself liking & hating her at the same time for the first few months after I met her...then luckily, things got better with us...her behaviour was so bad at one time, I wrote her a nasty confrontation letter, addressed it to her & she got to read it...I was amazed of her response to my letter...she met with me on a Friday afternoon & we spent three hours just sorting things out...I was bawling my eyes out for like nearly 2 hours & she was there to console me, hug me & allow me to get all my feelings out...she was woman enough to handle what I have confronted her about & she was so gentle with me in that interaction...I was moved deeply by her & by the unexpected compassion she showed me that day & onward until I moved away a year & a half later to a new city to start a new life....

I was amazed by the incredible response this cute babe gave me...her deep empathy for me, she was no longer as arrogant as she was with me in the past & was very caring, sweet, huggy & her beautiful soul reflected moreso into her adorable green eyes...I loved her even more when she listened to what I had to say & respected my values, feelings & needs....I have grown to love her so much...more than ever...I loved & have finally seen more of her big golden heart of love, thoughtfulness & purity...but I have always loved her physically: her pretty baby face, her innocent looking eyes, her gorgeous smile, her dark brown semi curly hair...she was just adorable to MY eyes & I love her soft body & her soft warmhearted hugs...she was the most huggable woman I have ever met in my young life & when I think of her today, I want to hug her, I see her green eyes of innocence looking deeply into mine & the intense passion her eyes reflected...I just adore this beautiful babe...there is nobody like her...her hugs were always long, genuinely sweet, safe...her face, soft as a baby's bum, cute as a button & she was & is simply a GEM in my treasure chest...

Even though we had our differences & have different life styles, I still love this beautiful green eyed angel & all the love, attention & inner beauty she has helped me to reclaim & to pass onto others...one thing I really love about her is her ability to take things like a woman, to take responsibility for her actions, to better herself, to admit she was wrong, to make positive changes in her life & to help others help themselves...I love how she apologized to me back then & how truly sincere she truly was to me...that makes me smile & have hope for people, despite how skeptical I am towards many people...

This beautiful lady...the apple of my eye...her beautiful green eyes are always remembered, treasured in my heart & kept safe & warm in my soul...I don't know of anyone else with green eyes like hers or green eyes period!!! She is one in a million & a beautiful dove sent to me from GOD my Father...

When I think about her, I want to hug her, to love her, to make passionate love to her, to give her the best sex she ever had, to make her cum in buckets...since she did tell me alot of intense secrets about her sex life & how she loves sex...so so much!! I love how sexually attractive she is/was & what a turn on she was/is...I just adore her so much & can't help but to want her! I loved her body next to mine, her breasts pressed against mine, her soft body period!! I loved her soft face next to mine also & her soft, gentle soothing voice...she was NOT a loud person, so I loved her for that too, she was dignified, yet told ME alot of her secrets & I love the bond we shared...she was my first true lover & will always be...because she's given me so much love & is a loving beautiful doll with a soul & a heart for people...that I truly admire...but the sexual attraction, I must say was a big bonus!!! :) She was sure fun to hug & never refused to hug me when she was me...aww that I will treasure till the day I die! :) I love the fact she was always a lovable, huggable, approachable soul & mmmm good!

Dark Humour, why I need it in my life

I have always enjoyed & loved dark humour, since I was a little kid...I love so much about it...I love hearing dirty, sick, twisted jokes, especially about people...since alot of them tend to suck most of the time....

I had such a shitty life, so therefore, dark humour is my friend & helps me cope...it is often all I have, besides my music, my alter egos, my writing, my imagination, my tv shows, my coffee...gee, if I had as many good friends as I had dvd collections, I'd be very happy with my life...as well as more money of course & better health....

I have always had this ability to make the friends I do & did have to laugh hard out loud & I love making people & my friends laugh, it makes me feel happy, needed, somewhat cared about, useful, entertaining...I love to be entertained & to entertain...it's all good!

I find that the more jokes I hear, learn & can tell, the better I feel inside, since this world is chaotic enough as it is...full of tragedy, pain, loss, bragging losers, superficial idiots, etc...I am sick to death of these fucks!!!

I love making fun of people so much, since all my life or most of my life rather, I've been hurt deeply & made fun of to the point of nearly insanity...now the flashbacks I have make me feel insane enough to not give a flying fuck about anyone or anything most of the time...so making fun of things, people, events, tragedies gives me great pleasure today!!!

I find the sicker, more twisted the jokes, the better I feel, the more validated I feel, the less alone I feel & the more connected to the twisted sense of reality I feel...I like being able to laugh at people, since I've had it with being made fun of, now it's my chance!

Weekends...how I mostly despise them!

I honestly hate weekends...always have, probably always will unless a miracle from GOD happens to me & for ME...the only good thing I can say about weekends is sleeping in...at times I want to sleep & never wake up again, to never face another clique, asshole or subhuman lowlife again...or to see couples, families, groups of people having a better time than me...all makes me so fucking sick & at the end of my rope, then I often feel like...I am so sick of these selfish fuckheads hogging the lines in the shopping malls, supermarkets: buying like 2 full carts of groceries, enough to make me wanna puke all over them & they then say there is poverty in Toronto, but I often wonder...well the poverty is being caused by all the subhuman losers who come from other countries...who take our jobs, steal our jobs & leave us who were born here without really much of an opportunity for growth at all, unless these fuckheads are given too much money by their parents for their education, etc...I am sick of every place I go to being far too crowded, especially on the fucking weekends!!!

I feel weekends were & are always a curse & how I can't get a moment's peace anywhere...even the fucking churches I've tried so far have been rude to me: not accepting me cause I am a proud lesbian, not accepting me because I have NO real biological family to think of who really gives a shit about me, for not having a car, house, a great career, kids, etc...on the other hand, I hope to find a decent church who will accept me & where I can create some positive connections...by not doing ALL the work of course...even though I am willing to put my 50% into things, I am NOT going to play for the whole team again, no way!!

It's pretty sad that weekends & these fucking crowds take over in society & I find there are just too many weekends & too many holidays in life & in a year...I am sick of holidays, long weekends & anything that brings happy close knit families & losers together, when I am always struggling to fit in, to find a true friend, to find myself, but I feel totally alone, since the people I knew (I'm glad I dumped most of them, since they suck & are total losers, who I can't relate at all to, since they can't offer any conversation whatsoever...LOSERS!)...& often know today just don't relate to me: my tastes in music, my so called hobbies...I wish I had better hobbies, but the fact I am not into politics, family life or religion, I am condemned for it, though it seems & am sick of the conformity that society expects me to live up to...then forget it, I can't say it enough that I am not a fucking conformist...so deal with it!

I wish they had weekends like once a month & that holidays like xmas were not advertised at all...I just then, may feel some validation & some peace in my life...I hate these goody goody two shoes born again christians too, who think their shit don't stink & who are so wrapped up in the fucking bible that I want to set it on fire over their fucking heads of shit!!! I hate these hypocrites & their selfish, rigid, judgemental ways...I've rarely met a christian that I actually liked...only like maybe a handful in my whole life who were ever good to me, but it never lasts of course, since people lose touch or simply become fuckheads....

I wish MY weekends were filled with true sisterly & sometimes maybe, brotherly love, fun, friendships, some retreats once in a while, positive memories to feel good about, adventure, affection, good things, instead of this fucking endless loneliness & pain that has been with me since childhood...it's like weekends rarely are good for me & I am always happy to see them end!

Selfish People

I find alot of people to be selfish, including my so called friends...I ask myself "what true friends do I have?" since alot of them are so goddamn selfish, especially on weekends & on Sundays...they think because it's the Lord's day or family day that they can go around forgetting about ME & what MY needs are...what a bunch of fucking hypocrites!!! I wish many of these selfish, subhuman idiots would just fucking die already & get the fuck away from me...

I am too giving to the people I do care about, when I can care about them & I find that alot of them are not reciprocating with me in any way, shape or form & I find them & alot of people I meet to be very self centered, needy, annoying & too full of themselves: their fucking religion being pushed in my face, in my way, their fucking family oriented values being rubbed in my face, their lack of respect for me, for what I need, for what I go through & they show absolutely no fucking gratitude for all I do for them & what I give them...it's like "why the fuck should I give period?", I find often times, it doesn't get returned & I find myself to be short changed quite too often & then when my tank is empty, I can't have energy to fill others' tanks either & I find too, I am bored with alot of people I know & am dying to find more exciting friends to hang out with & who I can relate to well...I just hate & don't relate to religious people, family oriented, close knit families, couples & to anyone who is too opposite of what I believe in & what I feel....

I ask myself far too often "Why the fuck am I on this lonely planet?" since alot of people I've known for far too long & even some of them, recently are so full of themselves, full of SHIT & are not giving of themselves period...yet they can travel across town to get something lame'n dumb for themselves & leave me out in the cold, it's like "thanks alot you selfish fucking loser, sorry to have known you"

I wish people were more giving, less selfish, less full of themselves & weren't so fucking hypocritical alot of the time...I wish more so called friends would make time for ME for a change & stop to ask how I am doing, since I am always the one who checks in with them & who asks how they are, if they need anything, etc...I am sick of onesided relationships & lack of true community & support...I hate being with a friend who is in their own world far too much & is acting like I am not in the room...I'd rather be alone for the RIGHT REASONS than be with someone for the wrong reasons...not to brag, but I am more wiser than most people I know of & I know period since alot of these fuckheads just never learn & they come crying back to me when things break loose for them, then let them, but this time, I am not gonna be stupid enough to care...just giving them back the selfishness they are giving me, after all, they had it coming to them!

Emotionally Damaging Sayings

"Grow up & act your age"
"Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
"You're too old to have a mother/parent, family to take care of you"
"Rely on yourself, God, you don't need people to make you happy"
"Christmas is for kids, not for you"
"It's not their fault you had a miserable childhood/life"
"Stop acting like that, you're upsetting people"
"Stop swearing, you're upsetting people"
"You're being inappropriate"
"You're being a total drama queen, bitch...."
"Stop your complaining, others in third world countries are starving, worse off, etc..."
"Stop being a pig/baby, idiot"
"Eat everything on your plate or you eat nothing at all"
"Be grateful & stop wanting more"
"You're too much"
"Your expectations are too high"
"Others have it worse than you, so what are you complaining about?"
"It's all your fault...."
"Stop blaming God, people for your misery, mistakes"
"You should be straight, being gay/bisexual is not normal"
"You are always over reacting to everything or most things"
"Stop over reacting"
"Don't say you hate...."
"Love your mother/family, they brought you into this world"
"Everything happens for a reason"...(Yea right, name one!)
"Stop being so selfish, childish, foolish"
"Don't be so foolish, selfish, childish"
"You're not the only one with issues, hurts, problems"
"Love unconditionally, despite what you went through"
"Let kids be kids"
"Give kids a break"...(what a broken arm or a broken neck? LOL)
"How do you think I felt when...."
"Don't bring this up, it happened years ago"
"Stop dwelling on the past, or living in the past"
"You're just making excuses"
"What did you do to provoke him/her, them?"
"What is it this time? What do you want?"
"Stop being an attention seeker"
"You're doing _________ for attention"
"Stop wishing & start doing"
"Stop being so lazy"
"Don't be jealous, angry, sad, depressed, mad, hateful"
"You're so bitter, stop being so bitter"
"Do what you're told & do what I tell you"
"Stop making up outlandish tales/stories"
"That didn't happen to you"
"You're retarded, mentally ill for thinking/saying __________"
"Your jokes are dumb, your ideas suck"
"You have nothing to contibute to this world"
"You're good for nothing & for nobody"
"If anything bad happens to you, you deserve it"
"What did you do to deserve or provoke it?"
"You're asking for it"
"Don't resent people"
"Forgive people"
"Be grateful you are not in a wheelchair & you are not blind, etc..."
"Don't talk about your pain, nobody wants to hear it"
"You're bringing everyone down around you, be positive"
"Stop being so negative, you only attract what you put out"
"Focus on the positives in your life" (yea too bad the negatives out weigh them so far)
"You should know better"
"You gotta be the bigger/better person, don't stoop to their level"
"You give mixed signals, so therefore you attract abusers"
"You are only hurting yourself by being sad/negative, nobody else gets hurt by it"
"Only mentally ill people cry"
"You're a fucking loser"
"Stop grieving about that/him/her & get over it"
"If you don't like it, you can leave"
"Stop ruining everyone else's good time"
"Are you still upset/mad about that?"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself & help the needy"
"Only YOU are responsible for your own happiness & for making things happen for you"
"Only YOU can make yourself happy"
"You have to love yourself first before someone else can love you" "(what am I dirt?)
"Stop expecting, wanting love, attention all the time"
"Nobody can be there for you 24/7, stop being so dependent on people"
"If you wanna destroy yourself, that's your choice"
"You are responsible for your own actions/choices'n stop blaming others all the time"
"You're being a big baby"
"Only kids have fun, you're too old to have fun"
"You're too old for hugs, affection, fun, love, companionship, family, people, a life!!"
"Stop being so trivial"
"You should care about things that are really important"
"It's only money, you don't need money"
"Don't depend on me, don't come to me for help/rescuing"
"Rescue yourself cause nobody else will"
"You're nobody until someone loves you"
"You order it, you eat it"
"Feel sorry for immigrants, they're new here"
"They: he/she don't know any better but YOU do"
"You're so demanding"
"You're too needy, stop being clingy, overly dependent"

"Normal Bob"

I know this weird guy...he addresses himself to ME as "normal bob"....he says he's "normal" because people like ME, who have been emotionally, physically & sexually tortured/abused have "no idea of what normal is", excuse me???

This guy Bob is nothing but a judgemental religious freak who thinks his shit doesn't stink & he says that gays, lesbians & transgendered people are EVIL, not normal & says they all have severe mental problems & issues...who the fuck is he to talk?? He had the nerve to tell me to NOT be a lesbian & that he could change my mind...yea, like fuck he could!! Bob is the type of dickwad who thinks that HE can change ME & every woman he comes in contact with..yea, he is one of the reasons I am proud to be a lesbian!!

Bob is a manhandler..he thinks he can go around manhandling women & had the nerve a couple of times to kiss my neck'n put his scruffy beardy face all over me when I was crying in my kitchen...eeewww gross!!!! I told him to STOP harrassing me & to LEAVE ME ALONE!!! He at first refused to leave me alone, then I started to call him names & when I called him "Manhandling Bob", he got really freaked out & kicked up a stink...he suddenly wasn't the "strong, powerful, macho man" he thought he was!! I liked that...I loved seeing the tables turn immediately when Bob got all whiny, sad & teary eyed even, when I called him a manhandling idiot!!! I loved the fact that I took back my power & put "normal bob" in his place & gave him the emotional turmoil he deserved...he had it coming to him...he's a freak of nature & an idiot to avoid....I was grateful to push "normal bob" outta my life & to emotionally push him in the hell he deserves to be...my twin met the old fuck briefly last week at he tim hortons & she said outta fun "how you could have possibly let go of such a treasure like him?"....LOL!! She agrees that "normal bob" is butt ugly & his face & his ass sure match...when he was born, the doctors went on strike, his parents said "a pretty picture, let's hang it" & his parents are still slapping him!

Bob is the type of dickhead who loves to control people/women...but I was not a woman he can fuck with..no way!!! He probably thought I was "easy to manipulate", but I sure wasn't stupid enough to fall for his shit & his controlling ways...Bob couldn't handle the fact that I was one woman he couldn't FUCK WITH!!! Bob wanted someone who he can emotionally torture, control & manipulate, but I learned early in my life before the age of 19 that I was not to be fucked with in any way, shape or form without these losers getting away with it...I love the fact that I am strong enough to push these preditors away from ME & to keep them at bay...what a gift it is...now if only alot of people can learn from me, then I'd be better off...if they don't, then "oh well"....Bob is the type of loser who thinks his shit smells like roses...but bob is all thorns!

My Twin Syster

I am grateful for my twin syster...I don't know what I would do without her...

We have become closer this past several months & I am eternally grateful for her & for all we share...I love the fact we are dressing alike more these days, sharing from deep within our hearts our deepest secrets, passions, likes/dislikes & that we can really enjoy the simple things in life like going for coffee, for walks in the park, for laughing out loud, for just being together...I love the fact that we are helping each other with so many important things like motivating each other, being supportive of each other, especially when times are tough, which they are too often if you ask me...I love the fact that my syster & I share a special unique bond that I share with nobody else on this planet...it gives me alot of HOPE for my future & it opens me up to worlds of positive memories to come....

I love the fact that my syster stays with me alot at my house...we have sleepovers here, we can respect each others' differences, agree to disagree on some matters & that we do have some important things in common: like enjoying dark humour, enjoying the simple, yet most important things in life, we enjoy dressing alike, going to concerts, making each other laugh, spending hours talking about the things & people that are most important to us...I love the fact that my twin syster & I share so much: we are both deep souls, deep passionate writers from our souls, hearts & are deep women of inner strength & can often, lean on each other for support, encouragement & can cry together & with each other...I like the fact we can spill our guts one minute & the next minute we can laugh again & really live life as best as we can...we love to better ourselves, we are reclaiming alot of gifts that were stolen from US like our innocence, playfulness, creativity, individuality etc....it all matters to me...to us....that we reclaim what was stolen from us & to witness each other's growth & to be there for each other....

I am very grateful for my twin syster...though we both get insecure, we do remind each other that we matter grately to one another...I love how we validate each other, how we communicate, the high fives, the laughs, the sharing/caring relationship we took so long to build & to reclaim...I am grateful that my twin syster & I believe in GOD also & in my opinion, GOD helps bring us closer together & I can say AMEN to that a million times over!

My twin syster is my best friend & she says I am her best friend too & that means the world to me...we even share alot of the same physical, emotional pains, losses, gains, beliefs & opinions & we are both NONCONFORMISTS...that I love too...I love the fact that we can be creative & help each other, we are our own family & that goes without saying!

Live & Let Live

I am a believe in "live & let live"...meaning I don't want people pushing their religious or political beliefs down my throat!! Simple as that!! I don't go around pushing MY beliefs down people's throat (maybe I should start, since it's been done to me more than enough times)...I am the type of person who of course, believes in GOD MY FATHER & that is enough for me & I am content with that...I get sick of these so called friends/people I sometimes meet who go around pushing their shit on me & choosing to argue with me about whose religion/faith is "better"....I believe we all have a right to believe in what we want to believe in & to choose our own communities/friends...I am at the point in my life now where I want to have a positive, beautiful community of spiritual, caring, attentive, affectionate people in my life circle of friends, since I am that way myself deep down...I am the type of person who wants to create positive energy around me & at the same time, I expect it in return...sure it doesn't always happen when I want it to happen, but at the same time, I like a two way street & a mutually respectful community....

I have visualized for so long now, what kind of community I want to attract & what kind of person/woman I want to become consistently...nurturing, caring, supportive, nonjudgemental, caring, thoughtful, the whole nine yards...of course adventurous, open minded, creative & who has a sense of humour & preferrably NO kids...yes, there are some exceptions to the rule...I'd love to have a community that I can call my real FAMILY of CHOICE...where I have a voice, where we all can rejoice & feed off each others' positive, creative, warm energy & appreciate each others' talents, gifts, abilities, sharing & so forth....I know the best things in life for myself are the ones that take years to build...but hell, I've waited over 30 years & thats too damned long! But I keep going & I hope one day, I can create an awesome community of brothers & sisters who I can keep adding to my family of choice....where WE ALL MATTER because in MY community, WE ALL MATTER & we all count/stand for something amazing/positive....

Age & Ability Means Nothing to Me

I am using this red color today cause I am stark raving mad...I hate this "you should know better" fucking shit that people & workers kept giving me over the years & to top it all off, it all started with my shitty abusive mother of evil, hatred & sin...all started when I was very young, at the age of two...so when people tell me to "grow up", "act your age", "stop wanting friends/companionship", "you're too old to have a family/mom/parent to love you", "you're too immature or emotionally unstable, so nobody wants to be bothered with you"..all those fucking negative, stupid messages I've been given & for far too long that are unfortunately, still embedded in my heartwrenching soul of depth...making me wish that all I knew would be actually useful for a change & not haunt me & make me feel inferior...

I get sick of people telling me their "dos, don'ts, shoulds" their preachy stupid ways that in NO way work for ME...why can't they keep their shitty advice to themselves? Why can't they just say "what do you need from ME right now?", "What can I do for you right now?", when I am upset, angry, frustrated or sad...I just get sick of society's bullshit & their expecting ME to always be "the bigger & better person" gee thanx for nothing you losers from HELL...placing me in further hell...more hell than I can handle thanks!! I get so sick of their condecending, insensitive ways of handling ME when I am upset or when I have legitimate needs, concerns & feelings...I am sick of sayings like "let kids be kids", "they're only kids"...yea only heaps of shit who can't contribute to society & who scream & cry about stupid/trivial things that drive me batshit! Yet when I was a kid, I was tortured for crying, I had REASONS TO CRY & nobody did a goddamn thing about it or helped ME!! That I can't get over..I try to live with it, but it's pretty fucking hard...I get sick of "christmas is for kids", "families/parents are for kids", what about ME? Don't I count? I am tired of being emotionally traumatized by these fucking know it all, have it all fuckheads who think their shit don't stink & who think they are better than I am because I have NOT been fortunate to be born into a well to do, happy, well adjusted family...excuse me for existing...not like I wanted to survive or anything, it's just a curse to be in a world where my feelings, needs & concerns are made fun of & where I am made to feel invisible, alone & fed up...

I am just fucking sick of the kids/brats in society coming FIRST & getting things handed them, when they are not able to appreciate or see it...how fucking dumb!! When I was a kid, I was expected to be a "little adult", a "little lady" being expected to take care of my sick twisted mother/family while my needs/feelings kept going on being neglected & where I now, feel resentful & angry at all these losers/family members who kept making my life a living fucking hell...I say FUCK AGE/ABILITY, could care less about it! It don't change how I feel or make MY life less bearable...in fact, when people tell me about their age/ability, it makes my life more unbearable...like gee, thanx alot fucking assholes!