Portraits

When I see portraits of people painted, I want to fucking rip them off the wall & burn them to pieces, since PEOPLE are the fucking assholes who destroyed most of my life so far & broke my heart...not giving a fuck about me or my feelings/needs...

I find alot of people enjoy & comment too much on stupid portrait paintings vs my realism & abstract art...I work so hard to create awesome, new, exciting, invigorating & unusual art pieces & yet, all I often get is "that's nice" & people walk away, not really commenting at all enough or much on my paintings...I am a new artist, taking big leaps & bounds, taking alot of risks & when I am in the art classes, those fuckheads who do the "exact" portraits of people either in magazines or losers they know, LOL...get all the positive feedback, positive attention & interaction, while once again, I am lonely, suffering deeply in silence, wanting to let go of my never ending anger/rage & to burn their dumbass paintings! I want to take their hands also & break them to pieces, so they can feel useless & helpless like I do emotionally, so they will have some idea of what I feel everyday on a daily basis...

To comfort myself, I imagine torturing these useless, pretentious, boring people...who go around thinking they are better than me & others who are not "portrait" people...excuse me!!

I honestly find that people who do portraits or exact paintings are not going outside or beyond their limitations & are too shallow for me...I rarely met a person like that who was interesting, only selfish, self centred & attention seeking...like "fuck off & get a life loser"...I find them to be so superficial, fake, useless, taking up too much space around me, thinking their work is going to sell or be the best on the market...like fuck it is!

I prefer to be REAL, despite how lonely & horrible it feels for me...I like to be creative with my art, yet I long for & get so little positive interaction, positive attention & friendships...once again, I am reminded of my lonely, boring existence & how unloved I was all my life & how unlovable I still feel to this awful day...when it rains, it pours...I see these losers getting too much positives & I would often, time it with my watch, to see how much they were getting & when I did get any positives at all, I would time my watch & see how little I get & how rushed people were to give me anything positive at all...

Hard work often for me with regards to art & making friends, doesn't seem yet to pay off...I only wish I had a group of loving caring friends where I mattered to them alot, where I bonded & felt like apart of a true caring group & not the outsider, crying alone in silence while many people are not caring about ME....I take the time to give them feedback as genuine as possible, yet I feel cheated...I hate that reoccuring theme of feeling cheated & lonely with other people...I hope one day, if I live long enough, that I can truly experience not feeling alone or lonely with others & feel at peace with myself & with others....it's not asking for much...