I met this beautiful woman back in October of 2007, the first time I saw her, I fell in love with her immediately & at the same time, really lusted after her...I still lust after her, I still love her & I still can't help but to want her & to adore her...she's truly beautiful...too cute for her own good! LOL!
I saw this beautiful woman & I wanted to take her home with me, to love her, to cradle her, to caress & make mad passionate love to her...mmmm yea!
This beautiful angel has the most georgous round dark chocolate brown eyes & the cutest face I've seen in a long time! She has a youthful, loving attractive appearance, she has gorgeous fine black straight chin length hair & it's so fine to the touch...she has a fun & hearty laugh...though I wish & long to laugh alot like this sweetie one day...I hope that one day, I can be as fun loving & as free as this beautiful dove....she's a real cutie, at least to the human eye...she's cute & warm, cuddly, soft, huggable to look at, just beautiful...
When I am often around this gorgeous cutie, I feel happy most of the time, yet I envy her confidence & her inner freedom...at the same time, I don't like the fact she don't believe in God like I do & that scares & worries me....yet I still pray for her & I hope she will find GOD one day & grow spiritually...instead of making too many jokes about too many things...one of her flaws...we all have flaws...sadly, she hurts me emotionally sometimes by excluding me from conversations & cutting me off when I speak or she'd be in a conversation or a game of cards with me & someone enters a room & she drops everything for them & to attend to them & that hurts me more than words can say...I hope one day, we can be closer & that she will be as fond of me as I am of her...though she to my knowledge, does NOT know I have a crush on her, I won't ever tell her...it's hard when she is a staff person at this organization & I am just a member...it sux that staff/members can't date, it's not allowed in this place & it sucks ass big time...another way the conspiracy continues to deny me & get me...what a fucking drag!!!
I love this angel alot & she does compliment me, I take it in well, I long for more of her warmth, her compliments, her positive warm attention, though I get sad when others take up too much of her time/attention & I am once again, left short changed & feeling sad/hurt, sometimes very angry inside...I cry tears of loneliness when others get too much of her attention, while I don't have enough of her attention at all...I have no words to describe this feeling, all I know, is that it hurts more than being in hell....
This beautiful woman though, inspires me a great deal...she has so much to adore about her, not just her hot body & cute smile/eyes/face/laugh...she's alot of fun to be around usually....
I do love the moments with her though, when we laugh together, share some warm conversations, do art & just chat it up sometimes...I long though, to have more greater, happier chats/times with her & for her to really see/embrace my realness & my soul...I am sick of trying so hard to be liked by her & I often do get awkward around her, not knowing what to talk about, not having enough to say, being triggered by others' excessive laughter/joy, which I find, is rubbed too much in my face...it's how I feel, I am being honest...
I do love the hearty moments I share with this beautiful angelic babe & I love & admire her youthful soul, her sweet spirit & her fun laugh! I love it when we do share laughs & we look into each others' eyes...I am touched, yet longing for more moments of this with her, longer moments of laughter, sharing/caring, fun & great conversations...bonding with her....I long for it so much & I pray that over time, I will get more of it from/with her...at least lately, the past two weeks, I have been bonding with sweetie more & am proud of my accomplishments...
Yesterday we had a hearty chat, since I was emotional, in tears & needing her positive attention...I was glad I got it from her & she was receptive, giving & emotionally supportive & sweet to me...which is what I needed & need more of....I love the fact this woman, this angel, connected with my pain, reached out to me & into my soul...nurturing it with positive, warm sayings like "I've seen you grow alot lately & it's great", "you are finding your own art voice & are making new friends"...last week, she said "you are a nice person, really nice & you deserve nice friends"...I was touched, at the same time, I wanted to hold her in my arms & tell her that I loved her dearly & that I wanted her as my girlfriend...but I couldn't & yes, it hurt...at the same time, I took the loving compliments she did give me & held it close to my heart....today she said I was pretty & that made me feel great...loved...though, yes I am having trust issues, since she does know or favour others in the centre that have she's known longer, which SUCKS!!! I hope one day, I'll be added to her favourite list & that our bond will grow stronger...yes, this past little while, I am noticing her reaching out to me more & I am letting her in...she seems also, to be letting me in too, which is a nice, beautiful start...
I am fortunate though, to know this sweetie & I just adore her...her sharing, caring, fun ways, her cute adorable face/smile, her hot looks, LOL! I love how sometimes, her soul shines & she doesn't care about what others think of her...I will be grateful to get to that place inside of myself one day...to feel/find inner peace/freedom...but for now, I am glad I found this cutie...now I only wish she was my lover & that we'd be happy together, loving each other deeply & treasuring each other, but it doesn't hurt to dream does it?
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